My Independence Day
Have you ever thought about what INDEPENDENCE really means to you? It must have been the 1-day break last June 12 that paved the way to this reflection.I had gone through a personal version of (mental) invasion, (emotional) oppression and (psychological) bondage the past year. There were external factors causing me much pain, but I guess what made it worse that I let myself get caught up in an ugly downhill cycle. I was happy and productive on my own, but I was dealing with issues that slowly ate at me that when finally I was able to break away, that's when I realized how "imprisoned" I was. Now I am relishing my freedom like I never have before: freedom from negativity, judgement, shame, hypocrisy, fear.With much gratitude and hope, plus an eagerness to move forward, I realize and appreciate the essence of the word: independence. What does it really mean to me now? Let me share my recent reflections with you:1) To be independent is to feel and be sufficient.Going through conflicts, being exposed to negative people, and getting stuck in situations that didn't jive with my core values- this experience really brought me down. I grew up with insecurities yes, but I proudly conquered them as a young entrepreneur in my 20's. Looking back now, I realize that the bad experience I was in made me vulnerable again and those who didn't care to look beyond themselves were like vinegar stinging my wounds. I ended up not only questioning myself but worse, I was slowly imbibing the qualities of the others, qualities I usually abhorred. What a vicious, ugly cycle. In the end I was left with a lot of self doubt, questioning, and I felt lost and more alone.Slowly but surely, I picked myself up, learned my lessons, and the confusing compromises I made with myself cleared up. On one side, there was the blackness of what I knew I didn't need and want in my life. On the other, was the crystal clear whiteness of exactly where I knew I deserved to be. Despite my initial resistance to change, the choice became easy to make and once I took the step, all the ugly doubts disappeared and peace flowed through me. I did not belong in there and part of the peace came from knowing that I was finally where i was meant to be, and that I, even standing alone, am more than enough. I am sufficient.2) To be independent is to be bold and brave.Being on the ugly, dark side makes it ten times easier to know exactly what will make you happy and feeling fulfilled. To get to this point, I've had to make very difficult decisions but if I didn't take that step I would not have found my true self. I took the risk, embraced the truth no matter how sad and painful, and rejoiced in being real and honest with myself. Speaking out, while risking conflicts, blame, and worse, apathy, after you've spoken- is hard and nerve wracking but to be true to yourself brings many rewards and is all worth it.3) To be independent is to able to love and dream again.It's easy to be callous or indifferent if you've gotten hurt before. But to be truly free is to be fearless in caring and loving again. I used to tell myself that life would be much simpler for me if I did not care so much. But if I stopped myself from caring, it would not be me and I wouldn't be able to fulfill my purpose. So slowly I choose to be free from the hurt and disappointment, start anew, let go of the fear and trust in the human spirit again.Being on the receiving end of bad vibes has made me realize how important it is to be kind. Feeling alone in the company of "friends" is something I would not wish on anyone and now I know how taking the time to do one simple act of kindness can make a difference for another person.So with my new found independence, I hope to live these statements:To always find room for kindness while never forgetting the wisdom of the past.To always be firm in my core while never judging others.To always be discerning of other people while never being bitter and resentful.To always relish being independent while going passionately towards my heart's callingOnce again.