Lessons from my Father

When my eldest son was an adolescent we would have both casual and serious conversations about many things, including about relationships with the opposite sex. I must say this guy was quite mature for his age, I remember at around 10 years old he surprised me with the questions and insights that would come out of his mouth when we would have conversations like this:Son: Mom, when can I have a girlfriend?Me: You know, it's better if you meet as many girls as you can while you're young and then when you are older you choose the best girl you like to be your girlfriend.Son:How old should I be then?Me: Maybe when you are already working.Son: What? That looooong? But if i meet a girl when i'm already working how will I know she isnt married yet.Me: If she doesnt have a ring on.Son: But some married women don't wear their wedding rings right mom? So how will I know???Thought balloons pop up in my head: Thought balloon number 1: Boy, this guy is a seriously major planner. Yes, major na, serious pa! Thought balloon number 2: I'm beginning to sound just like my Dad.And those times growing up with Dad were sure memorable  I grew up 6th among 7 children. My parents were traditional, my Dad was quite the authoritarian. My mom was more permissive and gentle. Good cop, bad cop ba.My family. Im at the bottom right.It was probably not consciously done but in way they were also a bit progressive in that they had different rules for each child, depending on our personalities, their analysis or perception of our capabilities and weaknesses, and other factors like manghuhula predictions (yes, serious! Read more below).To illustrate, while my younger sister was allowed to go on sleepovers with friends and out of town trips with her barkadas in college, I never was. I never really thought about why until now but I guess they felt my sister was more mature and independent by the time she hit college than I was. And this was true naman. (Plus the manghuhula I mentioned told Dad that one of his daughters would get pregnant out of wedlock and for some reason, I was prime suspect thereby increasing the paranoia levels of my parents. For the record: manghuhula was proven wrong eventually. Ehem.)I found this document in my baul and with it came a flood of memories of my Dad, how he tried to discipline us, the hours-long debates in his room, trying to reason out and explain that he should not worry about me.  I still have a clear memory of that night when this "contract" was drawn up. I was around 19 then and had just met my future only-boyfriend-now-husband Gary and my Dad was probably in alarm mode. (Now that I have children, I can now totally relate). He tried so much to keep me on the "straight path" and tried to keep control, and this was one of the ways he did, or tried to.Little did he know that for me, it was with this contract that I FOUND A WAY to somehow "win" their trust.  He wanted to see if I was serious with my promises, and knowing he was a businessman, then written contracts was the ultimate form of commitment. May sanctions and witnesses (aka mom and sister) pa.So with my now 16-year old son who is already in the normal stages of teen life, of which girls are inevitably a part of, I wonder if I will ever have to draw up a contract like this one. I don't think so (and I don't think he will let me either!)  As a mom, I've chosen to instead keep communication lines open, trust that at this stage, he knows what is right and wrong, have confidence in how we raised him, and as long as pre-set rules and agreements are respected then I can leave him a bit of space to move and make his own decisions.  Then pray, and keep praying!I am a different parent from my own because times now are different, kids now are different, and we are more aware of better ways to parent to really bring out the best in our children.  While I seek out ways to be better, there are things I will always appreciate my own parents because they did the best they could and I didn't turn out so badly either!:)  So I cherish my memories of my childhood, both good and bad, and thank the Lord for parents who cared enough about me to keep me good and secure.So to my Daddy, I know it must have been hard to raise all 7 of us. 7 different personalities with different needs and wants.  Now that I have just 3 kids, I can only imagine how that must have been for you and mom. But I was a good girl naman diba? Sometimes I wish you weren't as strict with me (you know  to this day, I still think about how much fun it would've been if you let me go on that trip to Baguio with my friends.!) but as cliche as it may sound, I now understand you more because I am a parent now too. And I just want you to know that even if I have chosen to parent my kids differently than how you and mom did, I still learned a lot from your example and have picked up some of the good points here and there:) Know that I'm forever grateful for everything you did for me, and the kind of life you provided me, my brothers and sisters.  Happy Father's day, Dad, please keep watching over us. I love you forever and miss you so much.JaniceP.S. Good thing there was no ruling for violation of contract because if there was then Gary would not have been your son-in-law and there would be no Coby, Zach and Reese as your grandchildren!  :)