Together for our 18th

Last July 7, Gary and I celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary. Our tying the knot in ’96 capped off 6 years as boyfriend-girlfriend, plus 4 months as friends before that. Do the math and yes, we've been part of each other's lives more than 24 years, more than half our lives.Our started as friendship and then a young (read: emotionally charged) relationship during our college days when we met in our org in UP, until we both graduated.We were together even as we both searched for our own place in the “real world”. You can imagine the many struggles we went through as we both grew up, changed and matured as individuals, meeting people outside of our own circles, gaining confidence, becoming less dependent on each other. Still, we pushed on and I guess it was meant for us to be together in the end because after 6 years, we announced that...Finally… we were taking the plunge.Now, we sayWow, has it really been 18 years since our big day?I can hardly believe we've been together that long already, overcame all the challenges that most couples go through and even living through it with a smile, well at least most of the time! How do we do it, some have asked. Of course, we are not perfect at all, I mean, no couple is. In all marriages, there are good days and bad days. There are days he's the most awesome husband (see my appreciation post here), there are days I deserve the crown for best wife, then the next day we can be despising each other and getting on each other's nerves. Neither of us can even honestly say we are the perfect husband or wife, but the best match, that one I can probably say "YES" to!Years ago, I had this conversation with our then-adolescent Coby:C: “Mom, what is love?”Me: (pause) “Love is… a decision, not an emotion.”C: (pause) “Cool….”To my son it was probably "cool" because he got a poetic answer from his mom that he can share with his friends. It could also be because it is a statement that made him think and ponder. On my end, I meant every word. Yes love still gives me that high, head over heels, blush on my cheeks and fluttering in my tummy, but that is not all that love is all about. Knowing that marriage is always in-the-works, that love requires constant work and attention, helps me...stay and be...in love.Through the years, whether by necessity or natural evolution, we've managed to not only be happily married but also be a good team in work and life. Here are some things I've learned along the way:1. Marriage has its good days and bad days.Ive talked to married friends and it is unanimous. There are days you wake up, you look at your spouse and there is no more adorable creature on earth. Your eyes sparkle with love and through it he/she can do no wrong. Then, there are bad days when every things he/ she does (or doesn’t do) will get on your nerves. It’s an easy time for nitpicking, fight-picking and if you allow yourself to get caught in the spiral, sadness and depression.I've learned slowly but surely that just by being aware of these normal cycles of love, arm yourself with the right expectations of your spouse and yourself. Approach each situation with a steady spirit, candidness or if needed, even detachment. Know how to accept the ups and the downs, and just remember two words: kindness and respect, always. This one is hard, but just keep swimmin'.2. Learn the art of switching.In our case, 10 out of those 18 years have been combined with a (possibly lethal) work relationship being partners in our business. Working together somehow adds a "level of difficulty" to the demands of marriage. Just think about it- we brainstorm together, debating on the best concepts and ideas for our clients, we manage our team of different personalities, we need to talk money and cash flow: so much potential for friction and conflict.A great tip is to assign clear lines at work. Gary handles operations and logistics, I handle business development and marketing. Gary handles Creative Juice, I handle Mommy Mundo. The less overlapping, the less potential problems. If collaboration is required, set ground rules for discussions, brainstorming, and learn how to “agree to disagree” when needed. Make it clear to each other na "walang personalan" and in Gary and my case we can argue all we want in our Creative Juice meetings, then crack jokes or hold hands after.In the end, both must also know that the work relationship will always be second to the marriage.3. It's the small things.Bursting out in laughter at an old common joke. Sleeping with our backs facing each other, mumbling good night, then allowing our feet to find each other under the sheets. Working separate on some days and texting each other “I miss you”.Keeping things light and tender is sometimes enough to stay connected.4. Make time for each other no mater what it takes.We’ve been having our annual “overseas date” for the past 7 years in different Asian countries such as our trip to Malaysia.Our lives are so closely intertwined, yes, but sometimes more on the "work" side, so it’s important for us to double the effort in nurturing the personal side. Switching from work to personal channels is not always easy, and we both know that even if we are harmonious on the work side doesnt mean we are on the same path in the personal side. It is easy to just be in each other’s presence on a daily basis, then after a few or more years, you realize, you have outgrown each other or have treaded separate paths emotionally.That is why we both give this time together much importance. It is time away from work, the daily distractions and the children, and time alone together to nurture the friendship that lies as our foundation. As hard as it is to leave our kids and household, our work and our company for almost a week, we make the trip, and this is one of the way we (cue music) keep the love alive, keep the music playing, and keep the fire burning.We have fun and laugh on the plane heading to Osaka, Japan.Dreaming of what we are about to discover, see, experience (and EAT!) togetherThankful for the love we’ve been blessed withBy the Dotonbori river, first night in OsakaThe past 18 years!